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Give Feedback on the Behavior Not the Person

Tags

Social-Emotional Learning All Ages Strategy

Skills

Self-regulation Social Awareness

Give Feedback on the Behavior Not the Person

How To Apply It!

  1. When dealing with inappropriate behavior, it is important for to help the child with the behavior without letting the behavior define the child.
  2. Try to keep the personal or personality references removed from the conversation and focus on the behaviors you observed.
  3. Provide specific details about what and why the behavior was inappropriate. The child might not understand what he did wrong.
  4. Give the student the opportunity to explain the reason for his or her behavior. Behavior is often a symptom of a child struggling with a problem that they do not know how to solve. Use the opportunity to uncover (and address) a deeper challenge.
  5. Help the student understand the impact the behavior has on others. Again, be specific, "You were speaking while I was giving instructions so others did not know how to complete the project." "Your classmate is upset because you did not share the markers when he asked you."
  6. Work together to come up with strategies to improve the behavior. (i.e. Use two markers at time. Sit at a different table.)
  7. Set clear consequences if the inappropriate behavior persists. This enables the student to make a good decision about his behavior. "If you do not share the markers, you will need to finish the project with pencil."
  8. Avoid generalizations that connect the behavior to the student's character, personality, or intent, such as, "You never listen," or "You are selfish."

Why It Works (the Science Of Learning)!

Adults often assume that students know they are doing something wrong but lack the self-control or consideration to behave correctly. In many cases the student might not realize the implications of his actions or have the maturity to change behavior. Inappropriate behavior is not a personality trait and can, in most cases, be fixed with appropriate guidance and support. When adults work with children to show them how to correct their behavior the results are likely to be much more positive.