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Listen, Respect and Validate Feelings

For: Parents, Teachers

Tags

Social-Emotional Learning/Growth Mindset All Ages Strategy

Skills

Anxiety Flexible Thinking Self-regulation Organization Social Awareness

Listen, Respect and Validate Feelings

I've found that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
— Maya Angelou

Feelings of anxiety, anger, and frustration are very real to children even if they may seem exaggerated or unreasonable to an adult, so the first step in helping is to listen and validate children's feelings.

How To Apply It!

  1. Always start a conversation by listening to the child. Be sure they know you are listening by recognizing their feelings. Even if you do not agree with them, it is important to acknowledge their perspective.
  2. Help them understand that even if their feelings are fully justified, they first need to cope with their strong emotions. When you are very upset you cannot think clearly.
  3. Coping can include breathing or meditation exercises, breaking the big worry into smaller pieces, or talking to someone outside the family.
  4. Once emotions are in control and they are able to listen, identify where you agree with them. With kindness and compassion, point out other perspectives or details the child may have missed. Just as you fully listened to their side, it is important that they see other sides.

Why It Works (the Science Of Learning)!

Validating and understanding a child's feelings is always the first step in gaining their trust and confidence and effectively helping them problem solve through difficult situations. A significant body of research demonstrates the importance of adults understanding students' environmental and social context and affirming their culture, background, and experiences to enable student success. This edutopia article provides additional, practical approaches on how to speak with students from experienced ELA teacher and author Robert Ward.